VOL. 01
Fall 2023
01.3
SELF-PORTRAITS BY MY MOTHER
by Elizabeth Hibbard
Daughter: Can I ask you something?
Mother: Okay.
Daughter: Well, I was thinking, that, that maybe we could switch places for a change, and you take the picture, instead of your picture being taken. You–
Mother: Oh, that’s ok. I wouldn't know what to do.
Daughter: It'll be easy. I've set everything up. and all you have to do is press the shutter release button here.(Hands her the cable release)
Mother: No… I don’t know. I don’t know how.
Daughter: You can’t mess it up. I promise. It's just an experiment.
Mother: Can't we just do it the usual way? I don't want to do this.
P 02/11
Daughter: Mom, come on. Just this once, please? It's all set
up. You just need to press the button, it’s already focused and lit, I just want to see when you think it’s time to press the button.
Mother: It’s better when you do it. I don’t want to do this.
Daughter: I just, you’ve always been the model, for Pop, for me, I really just want you to try being in charge.
Mother: Please, Elizabeth, I don’t know how to do this. I’ve always done what you wanted for your pictures, but don’t make me do this.
Daughter: Mom, it’s ok.
Mother:
Daughter: I just want to try it, it’s digital, just try and press the button, it’s fine.
Mother: Elizabeth, please.
Daughter: You can’t mess it up, I promise. Here's the camera. See? All ready.
Mother: (gets up from chair in front of camera, and moves to stand behind the camera). Press here?
P 03/11
Daughter: yes, just this here, you don’t even need to be behind the camera if you want, the cable is long. Just relax.
Mother: I'm, I really don’t want to do this. I'd rather you take the picture.
Daughter: Mom, please.
Mother: Please, don’t make me do this. I don’t want to.
Daughter: I need you to do this. Don’t be scared.
Mother:
Daughter: I've set everything up. All you have to do is press the shutter button. I just want to see when you think it’s time to take the picture. Please?
Mother: Okay.
Daughter: Thank you, mommy.
Mother: I'm not sure, though, how to do it right.
Daughter: You're doing great, just press the button when you're ready.
Mother: (shutter)
Okay, I did it.
P 04/11
Daughter: See? It's not that bad.
Mother: Can we be done?
Daughter: Just keep going, what else should I do?
Mother: Alright, um... maybe turn a bit? No, the other way.
Daughter: Like this?
Mother: Yeah.
(shutter)
Daughter: Should I smile?
Mother: just a little, not with your teeth.
Daughter: like this?
Mother: yes, no a little less. Tuck your chin.
(shutter)(shutter)
Mother: And look out of the window, like you're thinking about something.
(shutter)
(shutter)(shutter)
(shutter)
P 05/11
Daughter: Are we all right?
Mother:(shutter) You look sad. Oh, that green of your eyes is exactly the same green as that curtain.
(shutter)
Daughter: You're like a birdie.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You're the birdie, like in the old photo studios. “Look at the birdie!”
You can direct me.
(shutter)
(shutter)
Mother: I don't know how to do that, I don't know what to say to direct you. Would you just not face directly on the light. Every shot-
Daughter: Still directly facing the camera?
Mother: Shouldn't be exactly.
Daughter: Okay. You want me to be in the corner?
Mother: Yeah.
(shutter)
P 06/11
Mother: Yeah.
(shutter)
I do remember your father once, on the button, two buttons of my blouse during a shoot.
(shutter)(shutter)
Daughter: Ooh, racy.
Mother: He wasn't, overt, it wasn't like-
Daughter: (Laughs) I mean, it’s pretty forward.
Mother: (shutter) No problem, it's buttoned up, you know what I'm saying. There's a way to do that that's not, I don't know, “now take your blouse off” – oh no, I tangled it.
Daughter: –no, it's wrapped around the hotshoe. Yeah, there.
(shutter)
Mother:... and we just say, "Let's get this a little bit different look here." He never did anything…that was a good eye roll. (laughs)
P 07/11
(shutter)
Tilt your head a bit. No, not like that. Here, let me show you.
(shutter)(shutter)
Daughter: It's already on the internet because of me. So it's done. My breasts aren't a surprise anymore. No one, no one can blackmail me.
Mother: And they can't blackmail me with my boobs either, 'cause of you. (shutter)
Daughter: Yeah. You're welcome. (laughs)
Mother: Like, I’m telling you, my face is not in some of those from before, right? You promised me that, cross your heart and hope to die.
Daughter: Mm-hmm.
Mother: Not that they don't know they're mine, they all do anyway, here, but not in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Right? (shutter)
P 08/11
Daughter: I have not sold any picture with your face and boobs in it.
Mother: So when you get your book, You can't put in there, "My mom's Boobs."
Daughter: I will never title an image, "My mom's Boobs."
Mother: Okay.
Daughter: (Laughs)
Mother: Or anyone that wants to speculate it, that it could possibly be that.
Daughter: I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna know they’re your boobs, you're the only old lady I photograph, sorry.
(Mother comes up and adjusts daughters hair, pulling a curl forward over the shoulder)
Daughter: Is that right?
Mother: Turn a little bit a different way 'cause you're just straight down.(shutter)
Daughter: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(shutter)
Was I a planned pregnancy?
P 09/11
Mother: Nope.
(shutter)
Daughter: I knew it. I always knew it.
Mother: That doesn't mean I didn't want you, but-
Daughter: But I knew it.
(shutter)
Mother: Why did you know? 'Cause of the eight years?(shutter)
Daughter: Yeah, and it never seemed that you liked eachother; So, not the kind of marriage, where you're like, "Yeah, let's really do another one." Like-
Mother: No, he wanted another child. Absolutely, he wanted another child.
Daughter: Hmm.
(shutter)
(shutter)
Mother: But then of course he wasn't putting in the effort to raise them. It's like he wanted a kid, but then he didn't really wanna be present to do it. So I thought, I'm doing the first one all by myself, I have to do two all by myself.
Daughter: yeah.
P 10/11
Mother: Because one is hard enough.
Daughter: I don't blame you.
(shutter)
Mother: And I was so glad you were a girl, like, "Oh, mygoodness I got a girl. That's so wonderful." 'Cause I did want a girl. I wanted a girl the first time around. So I was so happy I had a girl.
Daughter: hmm.
Mother: (shutter)
That was so important to me.
(shutter)
(shutter)
Daughter: That makes me happy.
(shutter)
Mother: Little smocked dresses, that you wore till you were nine.
(shutter)
Daughter: It was an anachronism for my generation. Girls didn't dress the way I dressed.
P 11/11
(shutter)
Mother: I know, you're special. You were. You dressed better than anybody else your age, let me tell you.
(shutter)(shutter)
Daughter: No, I love my dresses, mommy.
(shutter)
Mother: This is what you want honey?
(shutter)
Daughter: Mm-hmm. Thank you.
(shutter)
Mother: Hmm?
Daughter: Thank you.
Mother: Is that enough do you think?
Daughter: Sure.
Mother: I'm worried about this.
Daughter: Okay.
Images and text Elizabeth Hibbard, 2023
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