VOL. 01
Fall 2023
01.5
BEYOND WORDS
by Lauren Steinberg
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s just that sometimes my mind goes blank and no words appear in my brain-space to be formulated then expelled from my mouth-space. It’s like my eyeballs flip inward and the only conversation available is a silent conversation between my outward me and my introverted me.
It’s not that I’m a quiet person. Well maybe I am. But then again, I’ve been told that I’m an outspoken person. With all due respect, I’ve sent back cold soup I’ve told-off terrible bosses. It’s just that sometimes when I’m feeling choked, the first symptom to arise is the inability to make words.
My dilemma with words goes beyond conversation. It’s there when I reflect on my art too. My desire to make art is ancient and instinctual, but how to describe it, how to articulate what I want from it or what it’s about… there’s a monumental schism there. What words to satisfy what the viewer wants from me? What words to describe experiences that are beyond words?
No words. Sometimes there are no words. But I will try.
P 02/02
When I made the video, (below), the thought of having some sort of scripted or unscripted spoken or textual dialogue with the camera, another person or myself didn’t cross my mind.
Once the idea of performing with a candle emerged, I needled myself to let the excess layers of art-making fall away. For me, making art can be a slow, multimedia pursuit with stages of procrastination and self-taught production and/or fabrication. This time I went with minimal aesthetic consideration. No costumes, no backdrop, no lighting, no props. Just me and the candle. And the low hum and click of sewing machines from the factory next door. I didn’t want to hide behind scale, complexity or material. I wanted to come as I was and be enough.
Could I use physical pain to draw-out and sublimate painful emotions?
Could I turn a masochistic gesture into a productive self-healing modality?
Could I make a piece of art that was authentically for myself and not the approval of the other?
I needed to know: Could I be my own exorcist?
The Exorcist, Single Channel Video, 17 minutes 15 seconds, 2019
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